We hear it said that forgiveness is at the core of healing. Yet no matter how many times that concept is repeated to us, we seem to try everything else first. In the end, forgiveness is the one thing that we truly have power over that can have a beneficial impact on us. In fact, it is the only thing we have power over.
Our bodies appear to exist in a world of perception. That world is constantly shifting. No two people can share the identical perception when making their own judgments about the world simply because that is the nature of the physical universe. In the end, we have absolutely no control over the physical. We have control only over our own field of perception and only then in so far as we are willing to let go of perception entirely.
"A problem cannot be solved by thinking on the same level that created it." -- Albert Einstein
Actually, the cause of all our problems is a case of mistaken identity. We have forgotten who we really are.
Are you your checkbook? Are you your job? Are you your car, your house, your yard or even your marriage? And the final question: are you your body?
The answer, of course, to all that is "No." We aren't any of those things. They all exist on the physical level. Yet when we look at the energy, the attention, we give to anything in our life, it is mostly those things that get center stage. In fact, when someone asks the casual question, "How are you?" we respond with an evaluation of those, as if we are a body, a relationship or a job.
We fix our moods to what we perceive as "good" or "bad" that is going on with any of those areas. That is an error. We are misperceiving ourselves. In overview, we can simply say that we are a "Self" with a capital "S" and we have created a "self" with a lower case "s". One of them we made up, we created. Guess which one.
Body, portfolios, careers, degrees, relationships - we are none of those things. When we identify with them we are mistaken. Who we are is an entity that is unassailable by such worldly things as those. Any event that goes on in those areas is given weight or allowed to effect us only to the extent that we allow it to or perceive it as vital or important.
Judgment sets apart, reinforces the belief in separation. It is that very separation (or rather the false belief that it is true) that is the seed that spawns all suffering. When we endorse the notion of separation to seemingly "protect" our selves, we are doing just the opposite of protection. Belief in separation will always reinforce our belief that we are who we are not. Anytime we lose sight of who we really are, misuse is right behind. Misuse any tool, and it will show the wear and tear. Our bodies are but tools we use. They are not who we are.
Letting go
When we attach to the belief that someone has "harmed" us, we are attaching intimately to the belief that we are one or more of those things or evaluations that we have assumed. Let's look at an example.
I know a person who is in pain. Let's name him "Bob". He has seen doctors, clergy and counselors. His symptoms are plain. By his description, he is sleepless, always anxious and sometimes borders on despondency. His doctors have prescribed antidepressants and such. Yet his condition persists. He isn't eating well and is losing weight. His immune system is suffering along with a whole host of other problems. Bob points to what he believes is the cause. (I remind the reader that this example is for teaching and is more a parable than a declaration of exact fact.)
A few months ago, Bob was the subject of a television station undercover sting. Electronic media love to do those things because they are ratings driven and many critics believe that television stations have the scruples of tabloid press, if any. (Don Henley documented what he thought of TV muckraking in his song "Dirty Laundry.") Irrespective of Bob's culpability, it was a case of sensationalist reporting.
Though our friend Bob was already planning a sabbatical, all of a sudden, because he was under scrutiny, he feels he was forced to leave career, home and reputation behind. The reports said he was suspended and then resigned. And although even the powers that be decided that there wasn't evidence to charge him with anything, the damage had been done. He felt he had lost everything. He felt his loss was caused by sensationalist, shabby reporting that was interested more in ratings than in fairness.
Without making a judgment here whether that was true or whether Bob had done anything wrong, many agreed with him. His clergyman, his attorney friends and others asked him what he was going to do about it. Of course, they meant some kind of action that would seek retribution. He told me he was trying to decide on a course of action.
I suggested to him that maybe a course of action might be to take no action. He answered by telling me that every single day this issue was on his mind. Every morning when he got out of bed, he was thinking about it. Each night it kept him awake. He couldn't escape it, so he believed. The entire event was eating at him in any number of ways. He felt he had to take some action.
I pointed out that any action he was contemplating would but extend the length of time he was affected by thinking about the case. Rather than doing something that would minimize his dwelling on the problem, he was entertaining the possibility of taking an action that could potentially add years to the time he would be thinking about the event! Forgiveness is the only "action" he could take that would begin to remove that horrible feeling of being wronged from his mind. No matter what result of any counterattack he might mount, the important result was that it would continue to gnaw at his mind for even more days, months or years. Instead of actually doing something that would get that feeling out of his mind, he would be perpetuating it!
The only really effective way to end the drumbeat of emotions echoing from his thoughts is to change his mind, to let go of the perception that he had been "wronged". That is the concept of forgiveness. It is "for giving us" the freedom from pain.
Be well.
Heartland Healing examines various alternative forms of healing. It is provided as a source of information, not as medical advice. It is not an endorsement of any particular therapy, either by the writer or The Reader. Access past columns at www.HeartlandHealing.com |
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Believe it and you receive it
The reason forgiveness works is that it begins to correct the notion or idea that we are anything other than who we really are. Is my friend his career? Is he even his reputation? Is he his job, his home, his geographical location? Is he his bank account? Yes, all of those things may be of arguable value, more or less; based on perception. But no matter how high you rank them, they are not who he is. They are not who you are.
The sad thing is, over time, our beliefs do become who we are, at least on this physical level. Like Pinocchio, when we visit the land of Pleasure Island, we begin to resemble the asses that we made of ourselves. What we give attention to begins to constrict us by definition. Rather than remaining "infinite" we make ourselves "definite". We should not define ourselves. We didn't make us.
Forgiveness is letting go. It is releasing the belief that we can be harmed on any level. And because it is remembering who we really are, spirit, it makes the idea of separation obviously faulty. Like the late Chick Hearn was fond of saying, "No harm, no foul."
Add to all of this the growing research that harboring ill feelings or negative thoughts has a definite physical impact on our bodies, forgiveness starts to make sense.
Let go.
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